So recently I’ve been reading a few books on relationships. One of them is this amazing book by Sherry Argov- Why Men Marry Bitches.
Usually I get bored or annoyed when reading books on relationships but this Sherry, did she keep me riveted!
It was a weekend and I finished it in one day.
What I love about the book is that it isn’t another relationship advice from an opinionated individual- most are. She obviously did her research, tells the story from the perspective of variety of men and is objective.
Why Men Marry bitches is filled with so many useful insights- you’ve got to read it.
I decided to share a small part with you. It resonated with me and what type of woman the Plushist is about- fashionable yes, stylish yes but also strong. Strong, independent women.
Read and tell me what you think!
Relationship Principle 52
When a man sees you are focused on your own dreams or on elevating yourself, he feels safer marrying you because he doesn’t worry about what you’ll be trying to take away from him
Men, more than ever, are warming up to the idea that a woman who can contribute financially can be an important asset. He marries a woman who has depth. Men worry about making ends meet and what you would do if he fell short of cash.
Men are secretly afraid of being inadequate and of showing their weak side. They are afraid that after they woo you, and they turn out to be less than the Prince Charming fantasy you fell in love with you’ll up and split. Rest assured, men have dreams of finding that special girl to spend the rest of their lives with. But in his dreams, his partner is someone he can count on. This is why a bitch appeals to men. She’s more real.
Men don’t talk about this need for “security” because it’s not considered manly. It’s a taboo. But they want the feeling of security also.
Here’s what runs through his mind when he thinks about marrying you:
“Would she grab the next available cash cow if I was struggling financially?”
“Would she be able to hold down the fort if there was an emergency?”
“Would she leave me for a new guy with a new Mercedes and a bigger house?”
Men tend to approach love as though it’s a business- deal negotiation. One of the most common things I heard in my interviews with men was the question “What is she bringing to the table other than sex?”
Men usually label a weaker woman as a liability and a stronger woman as an asset. It’s just like business school when there is an acquisition and they calculate “value added”. His knee-jerk observation goes something like this:
|A woman who is desperately looking for a guy to rescue her from her life. Her only goal is, “I need a boyfriend.” “It will be like adopting a child I’ll need to take care of. She needs someone to pay the bills”||A strong woman with goals, who won’t give herself away. Then he feels, “She really loves me for who I am. She’s not with me because she needs a meal ticket or a daddy”|
As Will Smith said “Competence is the thing that is most attractive”. Men regularly said the same thing. They want a woman who can TCB (Take Care of Business). It turns them on mentally and sexually also. It gives him something men aren’t supposed to need: a feeling of protection and safety.
When a man meets a woman who can buy her own cup of coffee, she exudes a do-it-yourself attitude that immediately earns his respect. Men are drawn to women who see themselves as winners.
Peter recalled his early impression of his wife, Kim. “She was a native-born Chinese woman who came here from another country and didn’t even speak the language. She started her own business and became successful. That’s pretty amazing considering the fact that she didn’t speak a word of English when she arrived.”
Notice what he respects: Kim’s strength of Character.
Now compare this to a woman who isn’t building anything other than a wardrobe and comes into a relationship with a sense of entitlement. She is pretty, but then she starts talking about her “goddess” energy or her diva-like qualities. Or she’ll use the word “queen”:
“I am a queen. Any man of mine has to worship the very ground I walk on”. And he has to worship my dog Princess too.”
Then she orders the most expensive thing on the menu because she’s “worth it” and poses on a bar-stool as if she’s Queen Elizabeth having her portrait taken.